Circles of Fire

How Dare You Say No, Whore?

sexworkerproblems:

A few days ago now (as this has been queued), there was a bit of a kerfluffle over SWP refusing to trigger warn a post that included the word rape. If you’d like to know more about what happened, you can go back and read for it. I answered more than a few angry/angsty/upset asks about it (though only a few of those were people who called me and SWP names).

It troubled me for about an hour until it dawned on me why it bothered me so much. It wasn’t because people are “too sensitive.” It wasn’t because people were accusing me of not caring and of playing mind games. I honestly could not figure out why it was so irksome to me until I spoke with another admin here (SW2) and I stumbled upon the real issue: so many of the people who sent the anon (and non-anon) asks were behaving just like clients do when we say no.

Many workers will tell you, saying no is the most dangerous thing you will ever do as a sex worker. It literally is a life-or-death moment.

• If you are a dancer who says no, you may never be able to dance in any club in your time zone again.
• If you are on the phones and say no, you may lose your contract and be blackballed with the other companies in your country.
• If you are a cam operator, independent or contracted, and you say no, your angry client may go online and ruin your name and business.
• If you are escorting or working streets, you have no idea how a client will react - they might be cool about it, or they might flip out and murder you. That is not hyperbole or histrionics - it is reality.

Saying no will most likely ALWAYS, at the very least, make you the receiver of a pretty violent tongue lashing from an upset client. At worst, you could lose your job, your clientele, or even your life.

Because they are entitled, because the stereotype is that sex workers never say no, because there is a feeling of “well I am paying for this, you should do whatever the fuck I tell you to do, whore.” Because to most people, we are not people - we do not have feelings or thoughts. We are not human beings - we are whores and we had better goddamn well do exactly what you tell us or you will kill us.

I know that people reading this will think, “Oh my God, SW1, you are so dramatic! No one said anything about violence!” But, I recommend you look back at the ask I received telling me that I and everyone who supports SWP is an asshole and at the asks telling me I am uncaring, manipulative, abusive, etc… Those are actual people who were angry because I said no to them. They were angry because they believe they are more important than a bunch of whores who need a community.

To that, I say no again. You will not come into our house and tell us how to behave or what to do. We are here for sex workers. Yes, we would like non-SW’s to understand our lives and that we are people and that we live, work, and play just like you do. Yes to all of that, but I will be damned if I am going to hop, skip, and jump for people (who are not paying me to do so) when they decide the sluts have overstepped their boundaries.

There are going to be things posted here that will make you uncomfortable. There are going to be things posted here that you will not want to read or even think about. There are going to be things posted here that will break your heart for a moment. When that does happen, because it will, think for a moment about the people who have to live it.

We do not get a trigger warning for our lives. We do not have a flashing sign in our bedrooms that is the first thing we see when we wake up that says “Trigger Warning: LIFE”. We don’t get that - and I want every single person who is a sex worker and reads this blog to know they are not alone. If that means that we don’t TW every single thing that some entitled kid thinks needs a TW on it, so be it.

Trust me, If it NEEDS a TW on it, there will be one. No excuses, no exceptions. We do not TW lightly, we take it very, very seriously. If it needs one, there will be one. If it does not, it will not. 

SWP is called Sex Worker PROBLEMS for a reason - because there are real, true, frightening problems that come along with this vocation. Sex worker problems may be funny from time to time, but the foundation of this place is: a community where sex workers can come and share with each other the ups and downs of our lifestyle. We can express our joys and sadness with each other - with no fear of judgment or reprisal. We are free to speak here and I will not change that for anyone.

I do hope you stay around with us, non-SW’s. I do. I hope you will share our posts on your dash and with your friends. We want the entire world to know we are people - because when you have humanity, you are safer in every sense of the word. I do hope you stay here. But, when you stay, please respect our space. Please respect our lives and our words. Please respect us as people, not only sex workers.

Sincerely,
SW1